Welcome to Freshly DePressed!


Being a featured blogger on Freshly Pressed is a great thing, and like all great things, it has the very real side effect of we just can’t get enough of its greatness. We love WordPress. Why else would we spend so much of our time writing blogs, reading blogs, liking blogs? Some bloggers suffer from post dramatic rise to notoriety due to being so awesome that the world couldn’t wait another day to tell them. Bloggers who fit this description share many things in common.

  • Mad skills
  • Heightened sense of when they need a shower
  • Over developed calf muscles
  • Urges to perform feats of strength that rival those of a spider monkey
  • Bitter sweet memories of how awesome they once were

Freshly DePressed is a support group for those awesome people. Because we all need support and the more awesome we are, the more support we can give. (and sometimes, the more we need!) When you’re ready to share the shock and awe of your experience, stop staring at those stats and join us. Begin your post with:

Hi, my name is (insert your name or blog name here). I was Freshly Pressed for (insert post title here). It’s been (tell us how long it had been here) since I was famous.

Include a title or simply use the name of your blog and email it to: freshly.depressed@gmail.com

Posts will be updated when our stats stop giving us the finger or weekly, whichever comes first. When your 15 minutes of fame are over, open up and let the healing begin.

Bloggers featured will receive hyper-links to their blog and this awesome blog bling.

Posts will be tagged HUMOR, blogs, blogger support, and two other tags of your choice. Be sure to select a category from the sidebar & include it with preferred tags in your email.

Respect the Blog. Respect Yourself.

How The Empty Chair Stole Christmas


Hi, my name is Randall at Midlife Crisis Crossover.  I was Freshly Pressed twice. Once for The Day An Empty Chair Ruled The Internet and again for Midlife Crisis Crossover 2012 in Review, Assuming the Next Thirteen Days are a Complete Write-Off. It’s been four months since I was first famous; three weeks since my encore.

One evening while pondering my blog’s tiny but breathing audience, I noticed millions of Americans were ignoring me and paying attention to an empty chair.  I could write and entertain.  It could not.  This imbalance seemed unfair.  However, the chair had the advantage of being lectured on live TV by a famous actor/director.  I can’t say for certain that that’s happened to me yet.  Advantage: chair.

Out of frustrated cognitive dissonance I wrote “The Day an Empty Chair Ruled the Internet”, the underlying moral of which was, “No chair should be this famous.”  Imagine my surprise when the WordPress kingmakers elevated it to Freshly Pressed status, citing a perceived “impartial” tone, in that I sided with neither Democrats nor Republicans in the fracas.  Assuredly not: I was on the side of those who find the American political process distasteful and fruitless.  Where they inferred bipartisanship, I intended anti-partisanship.

Nonetheless, I appreciated the opportunity for a wider audience, albeit over Labor Day weekend.  Unfortunately, holiday time frames historically experience a downturn in Internet traffic while users spend more time away from their  devices.  My net stats consequently fell short of the thousands of hits and hundreds of Likes garnered by other FP posts I’ve witnessed.  I was grateful for my respectable traffic uptick anyway.  By Tuesday my traffic plunged and created the “middle finger” effect described in other FDP posts, though my subsequent day-to-day plateau was nudged up a notch.  I contemplated implementing a new retention plan to pander to my new followers.  I considered more chair-themed topics, perhaps adding new categories such as “Living Room Trivia” and “Furniture Follies”.

Three months later, FP lightning struck again. Never saw it coming.

I already had a year-end recap planned before the WordPress Daily Post announced an identical Weekly Writing Challenge. Without changing much (except one extra tag), I proceeded with my self-review  – meticulous, critical, and filled with links for the reading majority who hadn’t been following me since Day One.  A few days later, The Editors That Be notified me I’d been granted a second fifteen minutes of fame because of my “thorough” approach, just in time for Christmas…again, a period when busyness shrinks Internet crowds.

The maximum single-day traffic was a little over half what my first FP had reached, but the stats this time were shaped differently.  Instead of one lonely giant column standing tall in a crowd of dwarf columns, I had a slowly descending staircase, my spotlight lasting a smidgen longer as other bloggers slowly returned to WordPress from their vacations or day-job overtime or whatever.

Funny thing about that second FP post: at center stage was an acknowledgment of “Empty Chair” as one of my year’s biggest posts. My first FP was me riding the chair’s coattails.  Now, technically, that blasted chair was riding mine as my blog’s unofficial mascot. Fine, then.

Thank you, trusty inanimate chair. If only all seats were half as rewarding as you are. If you have time in your schedule, I have a cheap credenza that could use some performance pointers.


The Numbers Don’t Lie…Do They?

There are natural numbers for counting, real numbers for measuring and rational numbers that prefer express themselves as fractions. Then there are complex numbers that square off, team up and twist themselves into some sort of abstract art. All kinds of numbers claim to be useful, but they only tell us part of the story. Sure you can see the number of people from Guatemala who viewed your post “Growing Cherry Tomatoes in a Pickle Bucket,” but what does that number really tell you about those Guatemalans? Where do they get their pickle buckets? Do they have a local pickle bucket supplier? Do they import pickle buckets, and if so, from where? Do their cherry tomatoes taste kinda like pickles?

Numbers are exciting. When numbers rise, say when the number of cherry tomatoes grown in one season in all the pickle buckets on all the patios in the entire world reaches numbers in the gazillions, you’re happy your post was Freshly Pressed. When the price of pickle buckets skyrockets because of your post about growing cherry tomatoes in a pickle bucket on your patio, the rising number doesn’t look so good, does it?

Pickle buckets suddenly become scarce. The price soars ever higher. Pickle bucket theft is soon on the rise and the black market for pickle buckets makes it impossible for cherry tomato growers to enjoy their once obscure, yet delightful, hobby. Numbers are tricky like that. The best way to avoid stat shock is to understand that while high numbers are exciting, focusing on them can drive a blogger to distraction. It’s best to leave statistical analysis to the professionals.

Check out WordPress support for helpful hints and if you have a stat shock story you’d like to share, send your post to freshly.depressed.com. Be sure to remember to Begin your post with:

Hi, my name is (insert your name or blog name here). I was Freshly Pressed for (insert post title here). It’s been (tell us how long it had been here) since I was famous.

Try to keep the word count around 500. Choose a category and include two tags for your post. Contributors receive a hyper-link to their blog, plus awesome FDep blog bling. Join us and share in the awesomeness of the Freshly DePressed.

Respect the blog. Respect yourself.

Bright Lights, Big Self-Pity

Hi, my name is Michelle at The Green Study. I was Freshly Pressed for Midlife Rebellion (or Why I Decided to Get a Tattoo).

It’s been nearly 4 months since I was famous.

My car has been repo’ed and I don’t know who my real friends are – someone posted pictures of me making out with myself on the Huffington Post and I had to fire my elderly grandparents as my managers. I’ve had three stalkers, two of which have begged me to stop writing, one of whom now lives with me. Fame can be a bitter pill.

I had been blogging for about 8 months with an average daily view of 4 – three of which involved me logging out of my WordPress account and going to my own website to see if that counted. When I received the WordPress email notification that I would be Freshly Pressed, I assumed it was spam, but notified everyone who had ever jilted me. I didn’t know there would be a delay of several days, so that affirmed to me that Cheryl from WordPress was just screwing with me.

When IT hit and the magic orange button started fading hypnotically in and out, I suddenly felt popular, interesting and talented. But since it was based on a post I wouldn’t have chosen to be Freshly Pressed, it felt like I’d ended up being the one millionth customer at a store, lights flashing, confetti falling down, local TV stations filming, when I’d just shuffled in wearing 4 day old sweats and flip flops to buy a box of maxi-pads.

Suddenly I had to tweak my site, respond eloquently and humorously to every comment – all while doing a flirty hair flip with each witty repartee. I hit ‘refresh’ like I was playing the slots. Come to Mama, commenters and likers. It’s my lucky day.

Oh, how the tide turned within the course of a few days. My stats fell. I wrote weak, desperate posts that even I didn’t like. I had to wait 3 or 4 hours for the little orange notification light. It didn’t take long before I felt like I’d won Powerball, only to be in bankruptcy court days later. My husband left me for a newer blogger and my daughter started telling everyone I was dead. The blogger had left the building. The Freshly Pressed post had fallen off the front page.

Several felony charges, hairstyles and rehab stints later, and I have finally come to my senses. It was a great ride, but we all have to get off sometime. Wait, that didn’t sound right. It sounded so wrong that maybe this post will be Freshly Pressed.

It’s meta-pressable!

Fame and Glory and Freshly DePressed

Hi, my name is Tania @ iRuniBreathe. I was Freshly Pressed for Mind the Gap: Who sets the table? It’s been one month and one day since I was famous.

I started blogging six months ago, never having taken a writing course and not really understanding what I was writing about. I scoured the Freshly Press page daily looking for insight, inspiration, and clues about how to get my name on that wall. Then WordPress introduced weekly writing challenges and BLAM! there I was on the Freshly Pressed page.

It’s not easy to rise to unexpected Fame and Glory so suddenly.

I was thrilled with the rise in stats, followers, and joyous company. I was on top of the word. All day I could refresh pages, squeal, and the numbers would go up. There were more comments. I thought I had it made.

Two days later the stats settled down to usual levels. It felt much like the end of a vacation where you need another vacation to recover from the shock.

I wanted a blogging intervention that would make me worthy of even 7.5 min of fame.

I felt like I was going nowhere. I worried about keeping my loyal followers and my new recruits interested. I worried that no one would read what I wrote. I wanted to live up to the fame and glory and not in a way that I was paying people for it. I tried to blog about everything, anything, and it all came out flat. I had so many half-started drafts it rivaled the number of published ones. Did anyone else feel this way? Was it time to start watching daytime TV? Were my posting days numbered?

Luckily, as I stumbled I also found the safe and comfortable Freshly Depressed couch to curl up on. May we welcome all of our kind, who need shelter, warmth, and blog support. I know there is more in me than just what comes out Fresh. Even airing dirty laundry can make a good read.

It’s A Vortex Charlie Brown

“It always looks darkest before it gets totally black.” ~~Charlie Brown

Charles Schultz, the comic genius, gave us characters that reflect the best and worst of inner selves. Charlie Brown is the perfect example of how a person with good intentions gets let down so often that they develop a permanently negative attitude without realizing it. Even when something good happens, naturally despair follows because self-doubt is a relentless saboteur.

Negativity sucks. It can draw us into a black hole that leads to nowhere. External sources are bad enough, but when our own thoughts start playing their sucky tricks on us, that is the worst suckiness of all. Where can you turn when it begins to happen? Sammy’s House of Suds?  What do you cling to? Doughnuts? Who do you lean on for support? Facebook Friends? We all have our crutches to get us through the rough times. Writing about our feelings in a journal is healthy. Writing about them in a public forum is even better. (Not with spray paint.) Sharing our highs is exhilarating, but the mere thought of sharing our lows can be crippling. Before you start to keep your iPad on the night stand so you can check first thing in the morning to see if there’s is any reason to get out of bed, consider this: readers are waiting to applaud you when you GET UP CHUCK!

Ready to tell them what they need to hear? Submit your own Freshly DePressed experience to freshly.depressed@gmail.com.

Begin your post with:

Hi, my name is (insert your name or blog name here). I was Freshly Pressed for (insert post title here). It’s been (tell us how long it had been here) since I was famous.

Try to keep the word count around 500. Remember to choose a category and include two tags for your post. Contributors receive a hyper-link to their blog, plus awesome FDep blog bling. Join us and share in the awesomeness of the Freshly DePressed.

Respect the blog. Respect yourself.

Blog Bling Prevents Erectile Dysfunction

Hi, my name is HonieBriggs. I was Freshly Pressed for Confessions of a Constant Commenter. It’s been one week since I was famous.

Even though I am healthy enough to engage new followers, it’s only fair that I admit to experiencing a little performance anxiety when over one hundred new followers appeared after my post was featured on Freshly Pressed. It may be normal to ask if I’m blogger enough to keep them satisfied, but I’m at an age when I know what I’m made of and it didn’t occur to me that stiff competition might make it harder to focus on the task at hand. Readers do have thousands of other blogs from which to choose. So, lying down on the job is not an option.

I began to notice getting up in the morning was more difficult than usual. I tried to convince myself it was all in my head, but clearly it was time to take action. Procrastination only works if you have something else to do, and since my NaNoWriMo project has completely stalled and I can’t get anyone to buy into my idea of printable clothing, there’s only the laundry and blogging. I was about to give up my sanity altogether, fall prostrate on the sofa and watch episodes of Preppers on NatGeo when along came this exciting offer for mood enhancing blog bling that aroused my desire to stand and deliver.

Thanks to Freshly DePressed, now I know if my blog starts to go flat or if I experience a sudden loss of vision while trying to keep it up, I should seek immediate help from awesome bloggers who are ready to offer support. When the idea came along to join a support group for bloggers feeling Freshly DePressed, I knew the time was right.

***The Fine Print***An opportunity to guest post on Freshly DePressed is too good to pass up. Side effects may include awesomeness that won’t go away.

What more could a blogger want when their 15 minutes of fame is over?

The Like Effect

Appreciation expected to hover around the normal 25 to 35 overnight. That’s your forecast. You hit publish and turn out the lights. When morning comes, you slip on a robe, put on a pot of coffee and log in. Just as you thought, your regular readers have stopped by to give you props for once again being creative on demand.

Later that day your post hits the Freshly Pressed page and holy pop culture Batman!  Within an hour your blog is covered by an avalanche of gravitars. You are famous. The day is spent annoying your co-workers, singing Never Say Never, tweeting updated number of views, likes, comments, spam, an alphabetical list of countries on your stats page. You consider quitting your job and blogging full time. Finally you clock out and rock out all the way home to the Justin Beiber CD someone left in the used Kia you bought using your entire tax refund.

By the time you finish microwaving a Lean Cuisine, another two inches of gravitars have accumulated. Stars keeps flashing, “likes” keep piling up and before you know it, there’s a drift almost as thick as your entire post. By lunch the following day, 300 bloggers have liked your post. They like you, the really like you!!!

On day three you begin annoying your co-workers, walking around singing Baby Baby Baby Oh, like Baby Baby Baby No, like Baby Baby Baby Oh, were did all the likers go? Face it, you’re no Justin Beiber, but you’re still awesome! Compulsive likers have turned you into a like junkie. You’ve been snowed by the like effect.

Ready to come in from the cold? Submit your own Freshly DePressed experience to freshly.depressed@gmail.com.

Begin your post with:

Hi, my name is (insert your name or blog name here). I was Freshly Pressed for (insert post title here). It’s been (tell us how long it had been here) since I was famous.

Try to keep the word count around 500. Remember to choose a category and include two tags for your post. Contributors receive a hyper-link to their blog, plus awesome blog bling. Join us and share in the awesomeness of the Freshly DePressed.

Respect the Blog. Respect Yourself.